covid-19, Coronavirus
Don't Panic

You could be forgiven at the moment for thinking that you have fallen asleep under the influence of something not entirely legal and woken up in the middle of a Sci-fi movie, at the bit when everything is going pear shaped, just before the Zombie hordes start roaming the streets of which ever dystopian city this nonsense is set in.

The big give away that it is all, in point of fact, real, and: that there will be no let up for a commercial break; no nudge from the person next to you asking, ‘isn’t that thingy-mag-jig from East Enders’; no offer of a boiled sweet to get you through the dull bits that are just there to add back-story that will be important in the final reel; is the telling fact that, with all the panic, the hype and constant repetition of the same information concerning the spread of a killer virus through the populations of the world, that it is toilet paper that we are running out of first.

No writer worth their salt, would even try to get away with that.

Coronavirus Advice

Even a good honest spoof Sc-fi/horror would see that hitting the cutting floor long before the end of the first draft as a feeble and unconvincing attempt to introduce British lavatory humour to the scenario. Only in reality could you get away with it. And it is probably only in the UK that the wiping of ones bits takes on such importance that it is bog roll that leaps off the shelves before tins of beans, packet of dried milk or even cheap booze for the last farewell party, as we meander our way to Armageddon.

Coronavirus NHS

Ok. I’ll stop right there and reassure those of you who are prone to bit of general panicking and the taking of all things a little too seriously. This is not Armageddon. It is just a virus that we have never met before. The vast majority of you will be just fine. No seriously, that means you ... probably.

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Now don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those who takes the ‘it’s all being blown out of proportion’ position on this one. The coronavirus – or more accurately covid- 19 is no laughing matter. It may not be the Black Death. But it is going to have a considerable and negative effect on just about every aspect of life. And it will kill people. Quite a lot of people.

Coronavirus funny vid

However, it does need to be kept in proportion. Most people who become infected by the virus, and that is going to be 50 -70% of us, are not going to get it very bad at all. Many will probably not even notice that they have contracted it. But a small, though significant number will get it bad. Basically the elderly and those with existing medical conditions.

They are going to need a lot of medical intervention to pull through it. And this is going to be the problem. The health services of the world are going to be stretched to the limit. People with other conditions will not get the medical support they need. And in the process of trying to stop the spread of the disease, business will have to find different ways of working. We will all have to put things off. Be a little less social. Avoid large groups and wash our hands a lot more. Not necessarily for our own sakes. But for the sakes of those at greater risk.

Coronavirus Vietnam song

So it is important that we do heed the warnings, and follow the official advise, even if it does sound just a little like the nanny state giving us grief for being free spirited and doing it our own way. covid -19 needs people to carry it to the next host. It can’t get there on it’s own. We can choose not to be that carrier. We just have to do as we are told ... for a little while at least. A bit like being on your best behaviour because auntie Edith has come to stay for a while ... no that doesn’t work. No one’s auntie Edith can be compared to covid-19 ... but the point I am trying to make is ... well ... don’t get all stroppy about it and above all, don’t panic.

It’s not as though we are being asked to perform miracles to help the situation or even to sacrifice that much. I have already missed out a trip to Rome and will probably not get to run the Madrid Marathon. (Well there is a silver lining in the cloud right there.) So the least you can do is wash your hands for 20 seconds a few more times a day. If you choose the right song to sing, it might even be quite a lot of fun.

And next time you are in the supermarket and you bump into some bloke: and it will be a bloke; struggling under 6 multi packs of toilet tissue as he tries to get his card for payment out of his back pocket; while fumbling for his car keys to make a quick and guilty, hoarder’s get away; why not lean over and whisper in his ear, whilst keeping a virally safe distance of course, that the screaming skitters is not actually a symptom of covid-19; so if he feels a loose bottom coming on, maybe he should think about hoarding high roughage breakfast cereal instead.

Oh My Nottz is a HotHouse Theatre production. Co. No. 6505843 Charity No. 1154523. Tel 07963020259 email guy@hothousetheatre.com website www.hothousetheatre.com
The views expressed in Oh My Nottz are not necessarily those held by HotHouse Theatre.
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